Coaches, Stop Working So Hard (Your Clients Will Thank You).

Coaches, I want to let you in on a secret: if you feel exhausted after every coaching session, you’re probably doing too much.

Michael Bungay Stanier, in his brilliant book The Coaching Habit, coined the idea of being a “lazy coach.” Not lazy as in half-asleep on the job, but lazy in the best possible way: not rushing to fix, solve, or over-function for clients. Instead, the “lazy coach” asks the right questions, creates space, and lets the client wrestle with the work that actually matters.

Here’s the paradox: the harder we work in a session, the less our clients often grow. Why? Because we’re unintentionally stealing the struggle from them. When we rush in with answers, when we fill the silence, when we bend over backwards to sound wise, we’re actually doing their heavy lifting. And if you’ve ever been to the gym, you know: muscles don’t grow when someone else is carrying the weights.

Now, clients, I know some of you are reading this. (Hi 👋🏼.)

You might be thinking, “Wait a second, am I supposed to be the one sweating here?”

The short answer: yes. But don’t worry, your Coach isn’t off scrolling through Instagram while you figure out life. They’re right there with you — watching, listening, holding the frame, asking the uncomfortable (and powerful) questions, and making sure you don’t tap out right before the breakthrough.

Our job isn’t to be the hero of the story. It’s to create the conditions for your best thinking, your deepest clarity, and your bravest action. That only happens when we, as Coaches, stop trying to prove ourselves and start trusting our clients to rise.

And here’s the truth bomb said another way: when I, as your Coach, am working less, you are working more. Not in a “grind harder” kind of way, but in the sense that the insights, clarity, and breakthroughs are yours. You own them. You earned them. They land deeper, stick longer, and transform more powerfully because they didn’t come from me spoon-feeding you answers — they came from you discovering them.

If I’m hustling to sound smart, give you all the answers, or play the “perfect Coach,” then I’m stealing something from you: the chance to actually build your own wisdom, your own resilience, and your own momentum.

So yes, I might look like I’m being “lazy” in a session. I’ll pause. I’ll ask a question and wait (sometimes uncomfortably long). I won’t always rescue you with a solution. But don’t be fooled: this is me putting the spotlight back where it belongs — on you.

And if you’re reading this as one of my clients, please know: my working less isn’t me caring less. It’s me caring so much about your growth that I refuse to do the heavy lifting that belongs to you. Think of me as your trainer at the gym — I’m not going to lift the weights for you. But I’ll stand right beside you, making sure you don’t drop the barbell on your foot.

So Coaches: work less. Clients: lean in more.

That’s where the transformation happens.

As an ICF Mentor Coach, I’ve seen again and again how powerful this shift can be. If you’re a Coach who’s ready to deepen your practice, let go of over-functioning, and build the kind of presence that empowers your clients to do their best work, I’m here to help.

Let’s make “working less” your superpower.

 - Amy Magyar, ICF Mentor Coach and recovering 'over-functioning Coach'

*originally posted 9/15/25